Kevin Pietersen: switch-hitting genius or dirty cheat? Photograph: Keith Williams/Action Images

So, after more than hours of discussing cheese, we’re ready to rumble. Andy Bull will be here to bring you the New Zealand runchase, but for the time being you’re stuck with me as we see how many runs England can butcher in 29 overs. Here come Luke Wright, Ian Bell and 11 New Zealanders.

“It’s all very well giving us team news,” says John Starbuck, “but the question is: how much cheese are we all going to get through by close of play?”

Weather update from the horse’s mouth, so to speak “I’m in Birmingham, about 6 miles NE of Edgbaston as the crow flies and I can report that whilst the clouds are motoring across the sky, there is no rain,” says Alex Banks. “Indeed, they appear to be a lighter shade of grey than earlier. There is definitely no blue sky though. There’s still a medium-level breeze mind. I don’t know which direction it’s coming from, because all these warehouses around me end up creating wind tunnels in weird directions. Right now it’s gale force in an Easterly direction, so I think the rest of Birmingham has a northerly medium breeze.” There you have it.

A thought: Will England promote Kevin Pietersen to the top of the order and instruct him to wreak havoc/switch-hit to his heart’s content from the word go? Like I say, just a thought.

An erudite question arrives from Josh Robinson. “What would the rule-differences between a Twenty20 match, and an ODI that has been reduced by rain to 20 overs a side (assuming that the reduction happens before the players take the field, and that no further reduction takes place to bring Duckworth-Lewis into play)?” he asks. “And how do they impact on what might be considered a good score?” As I understand it, Josh, there would be no difference. I reckon 180 would be a good score off 29 overs. But then what do I know?

New Zealand have won the toss and will bowl. Edgbaston will still be on the damp side and they prefer chasing, so it was a bit of a no-brainer really.

The teams:

England: 1 Luke Wright, 2 Ian Bell, 3 Kevin Pietersen, 4 Ravi Bopara, 5 Paul Collingwood (capt), 6 Owais Shah, 7 Tim Ambrose (wk), 8 Dimitri Mascarenhas, 9 Graeme Swann, 10 Stuart Broad, 11 James Anderson.

New Zealand: 1 Brendon McCullum, 2 Jamie How, 3 Ross Taylor, 4 Scott Styris, 5 Daniel Flynn, 6 Grant Elliott, 7 Gareth Hopkins (wk), 8 Daniel Vettori (capt), 9 Kyle Mills, 10 Michael Mason, 11 Tim Southee.

How many overs are we going to get? They need 20 a side to constitute a match (what else would it be in this day and age, hm?) but there’s every chance the weather may intervene. Anyway, let’s be grateful for small mercies. Sir Beefy is suggesting the side that wins the toss should bowl first. Makes sense with all the moisture around.

Team news: If and when play starts, Dimitri Mascarenhas will replace Ryan Sidebottom, who apparently has a sore back.

Confirmation! Play will start at 3pm and it will be a 29-overs-a-side game. Weather permitting.

Exciting update: The covers are coming off and there’s an unconfirmed whisper that play might begin at 3pm GMT. Despite the shocking forecast…

1.12pm Er, a glimmer. The rain has stopped and the umpires have appeared. But don’t get too excited just yet: even if the rain clears permanently, it’ll be a good hour at least before the cricket can get under way.

1.08pm Right, folks. I’m off for the time being. Sorry to leave you all in cheese-and-KP-related limbo, but these are the kinds of harsh calls we sometimes have to make on the sports desk. Rest assured, if there’s even a smidgin of a hint of a soupcon of a possibility of any play at Edgbaston, I’ll be back here bashing out mauvais mots before you can say “but that’s illegal!” For the meantime, though, thanks for the emails and we may see each other again later.

12.54pm Amazingly, some of you are still reading this, which means you must even more bored than I am. “Christian Seller is right,” says Robin Hazlehurst. “And that’s another reason why this shot won’t be generally successful once it stops being new (the other reason being that no one apart from KP can play it). Styris more or less said the same, that he tried to bowl slower and wider, but presumably not enough. Once bowlers have figured it out then they’ll be able to stop batsmen using it and the shot will die out a bit (apart from KP). So enjoy it while it lasts.” Agreed.

English legspinner shock “Seeing as there is nothing else doing, how about getting unjustifiably overexcited about a young English leggie for a change?” says Lee Calvert. “The real story of the T20 game last night was not Mal Loye doing a poor-man’s Pietersen, but 18-year-old Scott Borthwick of Durham taking 3-23, including a sharp return catch. He bowls at around the 45mph mark, gives the ball plenty of air, and got a bit of turn and bounce as well. Also, his action is incredibly similar to Shane Warne’s, which obviously means he is the new Shane Warne. You heard it here first…” Actually, you read it here first. Or maybe you didn’t.

12.37pm Yep, the rain is still pitter-pattering away in Birmingham. Bah and double bah.

12.20pm It’s still raining in Birmingham, which means the only place KP can practise his switch-hitting is, appropriately enough, in the dressing-room mirror. But that hasn’t stopped this offering from Christian Seller. “Instead of just bowling a yorker/bouncer, can’t the bowler just pitch outside the batsman’s off stump (now leg stump with change of guard), far enough outside so that he’s not got a hope of making contact, but not far enough to be called a wide?” he asks. “If the leg and off side are deemed to be the same as when the batsman takes guard – from an umpiring standpoint (otherwise you’ve got the no-ball 3 behind square on the leg side scenario) – then it’ll be virtually unplayable and you’ll still have the slips/gully/third man in place if the batter manages to toe-end it. Does that make sense? I have got a cold and am sat at work, so it’d be a massive bonus if I was coherent too.” Makes sense to me.

12.13pm Look, I may as well continue with this cheese riff until we get a decision one way or t’other from Birmingham, where, according to this it’s not looking too clever. So here is Ian Taylor. “Since I have to sit next to O’Hagan at the ODI can I submit a very public request that he avoids bringing any Stinking Bishop. Mind you he might not make it through the security check if they correctly determine that it’s an offensive weapon…”

12.02pm I don’t reckon we’re going to get any play today. Which is why I keep receiving emails like this one from Martin Cruise. “Can I suggest a nice bit of Wensleydale with cranberry?” he says. “Traditional yet a little bit fruity and probably counts as one of your five a day. Have a nice red wine with it and I think that counts as two because wine is made of grapes.” Almost as cunning as a switch-hit.

“All this talk of cheese, I’m looking forward to the lunch break already, even if there is no play,” says Hugh Maguire, drooling slightly. “Port Salut might make a good bouncy ball if cut appropriately. (It might last longer than a cricket ball seems to have in the latest Test series, too.) You should keep it British with a selection of cheddars - Scottish smoked truckle, Welsh dragon’s breath with chilli - Stilton is clearly a must, but there’s heaps of tasty British blue cheeses and there’s some great soft cheeses, such as Caboc, rolled in split barley it’s as subtle as Socrates and as mild as May. Just make sure the butter is not from New Zealand.”

Bored of cheese? Well, here’s Andy Bull on switch-hitting. It’s really quite a good read.

11.50am As gloom continues to descend on the west midlands, here’s Richard Readshaw on the pressing issue of the day. “French cheese is OK if you like a smooth creamy paste, smelling of soiled nappies and tasting either of salt or, er, soiled nappies,” he says, pinching his nostrils. “But how about a first-class cricketing counties cheeseboard. Lancashire, Wensleydale and Swaledale for Yorkshire, Stilton I believe can be made in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire and Leicestershire, and Caerphilly from Glamorgan. The southern counties are a bit blank - any suggestions. Minor counties don’t do too badly; Cornish Yarg, Cheshire, Dorset Vinny, Lincolnshire Poacher - I could go on.”

11.35am It’s all KP and cheese this morning as we wait for the dampness to disappear in Birmingham. It’s not raining as I write, but the covers are still on and it all looks very gloomy. In the meantime, I give you Luke Williams’s suggestion for a name for Pietersen’s shot. “The Tony Blair. A big shift to the Left in 97, then back to the Right again when the furore died down. Even more appropriate when people start dummying the switch to the left, but stay right all the time. Alternatively, The Time Warp: ‘It’s just a jump to the left, and a step to the right…’”

“Salut Laurent,” purrs Gallic temptress Cecile Ithurbide. “You suggest Port Salut: that disappoints me. It is, in my view, on the par with cheese strings (made of 100% “real cheese”?!? does it mean you English also eat fake cheese?). I would suggest a nice bit of Fourme d’Ambert or, if Richard can find it, so Basque Brebis: strong yet subtle.” Oui, il pleut encore.

“I am attending the T20 match at Lord’s tomorrow with Richard and will bring him some to that lovely Italian cheese with maggots that was on the F-word last night…” chuckles James Huxtable. Yes, it’s still raining.

The rain is falling once more over Edgbaston, and if I were a betting man, I’d say it’s going to be a complete washout, which is a great shame. Wouldn’t it be great to see if Pietersen had the balls to unleash that shot again? Speaking of which, here’s Giles Robertson. “Totally agree with you Booth,” he says. “I enjoy watching back-to-back hours of forward defensives as much as the next man, but just once in a while we might allow ourselves the guilty pleasure of appreciating the odd spectacular shot. Really, when it comes down to it is fun actually so bad? Has anyone really objected to the switch-hitting, or is it just a talking point for rainy days? Or is KP so irritating people find it hard to give him his due…” People have objected, Giles. Or, more specifically, Michael Holding has objected. His point is this: what happens if a right-handed batsman comes to the crease and takes a left-handed guard? The fielding captain positions his men accordingly, but as the bowler is running in, the batsman reverts to his normal right-handed stance. Suddenly, the field looks silly: three leg-slips, a leg-gully, and so on. Holding’s contention is that this is unfair on the fielding side. But I would argue that the bowler still has the chance to make the batsman look silly. How, for example, would a right-hander who has switched to a left-handed stance cope with a yorker or a bouncer? Surely the fielding side now has a greater chance of taking a wicket. If the batsman is skilful enough to pull it off, good luck to him, I say. But let’s face it: Holding’s scenario is such an unlikely one that we’re straying away from reality into the murky realms of the hypothetical. Interesting, though.

“Port Salut is filth,” declares Roland Marshall in France. “Try a nice French blue cheese, if you can, like ‘bleu d’Auvergne’ or ‘Bleu des Causses’. Failing that, and for those who don’t like blue cheeses, you can’t go wrong with some Comté or even a nice bit of Salers. If you want to impress, choose a farm-made ‘Saint Nectaire’.”

It seems they were just rearranging the covers. Bah. Meanwhile… “Contrary to the Sky commmentator’s (Charles Colvile, I think) belief, Mal Loye’s switch hit was not the same as KP’s as he didn’t actually switch his hands over,” says Henry Adair. “It was the even more old-fashioned reverse-sweep slog. It’s so passé it makes me feel sick.” Bucket someone!

The swarthies are dragging the covers off! We may have some cricket for you yet!

A few of the aforementioned swarthy types are standing around on the covers, gazing glumly at the sky. But still no sign of play. “While I’m pleased that the MCC have endorsed Pietersen’s extravagance, I do think they might have taken the opportunity to ban the ugly phrase ’switch hitting’,” seethes Adam Noble. “As author of a book on cricketing nomenclature, do you have any suggestions for a better name?” Aw, shucks. The hubris? The bling? The KP?

While we wait for the rain-Gods to calm down a bit, here’s an email from Richard O’Hagan. “In a fit of over-enthusiasm, I have agreed to attend the Oval ODI next week in the company of half a dozen other OBOers,” he reveals. “One of them, who shall be nameless, has project-managed us into bringing specific items of food each and I foolishly volunteered to be in charge of cheese. I’m now struggling to think of what to bring. There are, of course, your solid regulars, such as camembert and stilton, but I’m worried that I might turn out like Geoff Miller and keep picking the same things over again instead of bringing in anything new and exciting. Problem is that I don’t know any new and exciting cheeses. Any suggestions?” Is Port Salut exciting enough for you?

The covers are still on at Edgbaston and there’s no indication that a group of tanned, swarthy men in dark-blue anoraks are going to drag them off any time soon. Gower, Hussain and Holding are debating KP’s antics, and so are you. Here’s Chris Armstrong. “When the time comes for KP to enter the fray, could you be sure and tell us the guard he takes, please,” he asks. “I’m assuming he’ll go for the safe option and choose middle stump, or will he mark out the leg- and off-stumps? And will he come out with a mix of left- and right-handed gloves, you know, with the thumb guard on both gloves? I heard Mal Loye hit a switch-hit six for Lancashire last night, it’s all soooo last year now. I want to see deliberate heading of the ball for six leg-byes off the quick bowlers. Now that’s innovation!”

I hate to rain on OBO’s parade, but the forecast is not looking good. There’s a huge mass of filthy weather around the west midlands and you can follow its progress here.

Preamble: Hello and welcome to the morning after the day the world continued to tilt on its axis. No, we’re not talking about Northamptonshire’s fourth-successive win in the Twenty20 Cup, but the decision by the MCC to allow Kevin Pietersen to keep switch-hitting bowlers to distraction. I don’t know about you, but I’m all for it. Alas, the bad news is that it’s raining in Birmingham at the moment, so there is no immediate prospect of KP compiling a left-handed century - or of England extending their lead in their five-match series to a not-quite-unassailable 2-0. But as soon as we hear any news - teams, toss, KP batting in the nets - we’ll impart it post-haste.

Join Lawrence for the latest news from 10.30am.

About this articleCloseThis article was first published on guardian.co.uk on Wednesday June 18 2008. It was last updated at 14:59 on June 18 2008.

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